Affinity Diagram

Focus Question

Explore the barriers and requirements of long-distance communication amongst separated family members.

Affinity Diagram

Please see the whole diagram in https://miro.com/app/board/o9J_kjx8pbk=/

A list of all the themes

Descriptions of the themes

Lack emotional expression and psychological care

視訊通常會有特定時間，所以若是有刻意隱藏低落的情緒，就不容易從視訊中看出來，像是家人間因為遠距離，為了不讓對方擔心，通常都會報喜不報憂，因此很難在即時給予鼓勵或安慰，假設已經知道對情緒不好，但是如果一方不願意多談或是說出來，另一方也沒辦法從其他地方去表示他的關心。

例如：在一方心情不好不想說話時，另一方可能可以買對方平時最愛吃的給他吃，表示關心；如果當彼此有爭執，只要有一方先終止此次的通訊，即便另一方想要溝通解決問題，也沒有辦法順利的進行，在無法面對面交談的情況下，爭執及未解決的問題就只能等到下次通訊時解決，但是時間過去了，有些情緒也會跟著過去，兩方也很珍惜彼此可以交流的時間，就不會想在下次通訊時拿出來討論，因為誰也不想破壞這個氣氛，但是這些問題只是暫時被擱置，並沒有被解決，因此下次可能還是會因為同樣的問題而爭吵，這樣長時間下來，對兩方的狀態並不是很理想。有時候可能無法利用語音或是視訊來溝通時，就只能透過文⫿訊息來交談，但是文⫿是沒有情緒的，因此可能會造成語氣上的落差而導致彼此間的誤會，並不能感受到對方最真實的感受。（郭姿妤）

Inadequate & not real-time information

Being separated from family members makes it even harder to keep updated on their daily lives. Entering university, students suddenly have a lot of responsibility they were not used to have before. It is already hard enough for students to keep up with their busy schedules, on top of that they also have to balance it with their social lives. Moreover, students who live in a different part of the world and have different time zones with their parents have it even harder to stay in touch with their families. Even though telling their parents small things such as they are eating enough food or just being able to sleep well could mean a lot to their parents, not every student understands just how much difference it could make. In the end, students often feel lonely because they need someone’s affection and support, they also need someone’s companion and a place to confide to.

Communicating through online platform is not as easy and as simple as it is like when we are interacting in real life. People can just say “I’m home” when they are home and “I have eaten” or “Good night” effortlessly when they live in the same roof. But being separated from each other makes it completely different. Simple things like that are often forgotten and students have other priorities they feel they need to take care of first. Forgetting things are inevitable when living away from families. Days go by faster and sometimes students lost track on keeping up with their parents. It is not on purpose, but some parents might take it the wrong way and are not able to understand their children’s circumstances.

On the other hand, parents who lives away from their children often wonder what their children are up to. They can only wait for their children to reply their message or answering their call. The uncertainty and the way they were left hanging by their children only makes them even more worried. In this period, where we are in the midst of an epidemic outbreak, parents are even more worried if their children are staying healthy and in a good condition. Because they could not check on their children by themselves, and not being able to be present with them, they could only ask them how they were doing and cannot check them by person. Parents would not know whether their children are saying the truth or not about their condition. The reason why we think this case is important is because many people don’t realize how big of a difference it is to keep updated on our own family members. Even the small things can make a significant change. We are aiming to strengthen family bonds to close the distance barrier between family members. （Celine 梁雪蓮）

Inadequate & not real-time information

由於父母與孩子的人生閱歷、時代觀念、社交環境等均⬀在較大差異，因而對同樣的事件會產生不同的價值判斷並由此做出不同的選擇，這些差別與分歧構成了父母與孩子之間的代際差異，或簡稱為「代溝」。代際差異代際往往成為不同世代的家人間縱向溝通的障礙，而遠距離使得這一障礙表現得更為強烈。

我們觀察到父母與孩子之間⬀在的主要的矛盾之一為「父母希望了解更多關於他們孩子的資訊」與「孩子希望維護自己的隱私因而刻意逃避父母的目光」之間的矛盾。距離猶如一道可以掩護一切的屏障，遠方求學的孩子可以輕易將自己的真實情況從父母眼前藏匿。例如在連結遠距的家人過程中發揮重要作用的實時通訊軟體（IM）的應用方面，孩子可以輕易地選擇哪些內容對父母不可見（即運用「屏蔽」或「黑名單」功能）。而只能接收到被孩子過濾後的信息的父母，很難憑空了解到遠方的孩子真正的生活狀態，因此時常會憑藉自己的想像將自己認為孩子需要的、對孩子有利的事物強加於他們身上，從而進一步引發代際間的誤解與矛盾衝突的產生，也讓孩子更不願在父母面前敞開自己。而溝通的缺失會致使代溝愈演愈烈，逐漸陷入負面循環。（洪揚）

Hard to empathize

遠距的家人之間主要通過網路進行溝通，而作為網路主要承載者的 3C 產品往往以冰冷的科技面貌出現，以科技產品為中介進行的交互缺乏家人面對面溝通時的溫情。通過對不同家庭的追蹤觀察，我們發現雖然家人間可以通過視訊進行「面對面」的互動與觀察，但這種隔著電子屏幕的互動往往在一定程度上阻礙了親人之間共情的能力。這種阻隔一方面體現在肢體接觸的缺失上。肢體語言往往具備比話語本身更為直接和純粹的力量，它「傳意」的目的性相對明確，亦能在心理層面進一步拉近人與人之間的距離。當我們心情欠佳時，家人一個溫暖的擁抱或是觸手可及的陪伴，常常勝過手機簡訊中的千言萬語。儘管真正意義上的「感同身受」即便在面對面交流過程中也很難實現，但遠距離無庸置疑地進一步增加了產生同理心的難度。

另一方面，近距離的接觸會讓我們關注到家人的更多生活細節和行為習慣，這些深深紮根於個人性格中的點滴片段或許無法在言語中輕易捕捉，但卻會流露在日常生活的方方面面，這也是家人之間對彼此的了解會遠遠多於一般朋友之間的了解的重要原因，而了解正是產生「同理」的必備條件。而遠距離消減了進行這種潛移默化的觀察的可能，我們看到的關於遠方家人的訊息更多來自他們有意公開在社群平台的內容。這些內容往往只涉及一些浮於淺表的部分，瀏覽它們正如端詳一座只有八分之一露於水面之上的冰川。對必要的日常生活的細節的觀察的缺失，也會增加遠距溝通時「同理」的難度。（洪揚）

Limited by objective conditions

Being away from your family is hard, but what’s harder is the limited time both parties have in order to interact and keep each other updated on the things they’ve been going through. Limited time is usually caused by different time zones and busy schedules. For example, you just finished your assignments at 10pm. But you realize it’s 12pm in your home country, meaning your parents must already be asleep. This then comes to the point where you can only keep them updated (but not disturbing) by sending a goodnight text, telling them you’re going to bed. Due to busy schedules, some people just don’t have time to communicate and talk to their family members. Even if one party has the time to, it doesn’t guarantee that the other party’s able to make it. As we grow older, we know how to prioritize things well, depending on their importance. Not being able to video call your family members doesn’t stop you from keeping them updated on you. Here, text messages really play a big role. Again, it’s not as easy as it sounds like. People aren’t always on their phones and would take time to reply to text messages. What’s sadder than that is: for example, you and your family have decided a specific day to facetime each other, but you didn’t get to see (probably your grandparents, or one of your parents, or siblings) simply because they aren’t home. This long distance between you and your family just makes it extremely hard and the truth is that, the only time to be able to see your family members on screen, allowing you to see their body language is just during video calls.

The time and money needed to be taken also needs to be considered when meeting with family members who live far apart. For example, you’re a student studying abroad. You really want to go home during summer break. It takes about 8 hours to fly back home, and costs about 16.000NTD. Some parents might think it’s better for their children to not go home as it’s pricy and this plane ticket fee just cost as much as the living fee in that certain country during the break, or it may even be cheaper. On the other hand, there are also parents who thinks that it doesn’t matter as long as they can see their children after being separated for months, or even years.（高怡蓉）

Pressure from daily life

在起早貪黑的繁忙日子裡，每個人都在忙碌的日子裡盲目地度過。面對“不得不” 的事情，總要為了完成而去完成任何事。面對金錢、時間和“必完成事項”，人們別無選擇。時間是公平的，每個人一天只有二十四個小時，在有限的時間內，除了用餐和洗澡是個人的時間外，剩下的時間除了趕還是趕。天亮睜開眼睛，一晃天就夜了。

人們都是有情感的動物，在面對眼前的事物的時候，都會來不及應付情緒上的起伏，都是以“以大局為重”的心態，先完全把自己的情緒放一邊的去處理應該要處理完的事情。這看似一個成熟的人該有的行為，但是久而久之人的內心變成怎麼樣了，其實連自己也越來越不明白了，要處理的事情越來越多，卻永遠處理不來自己的事情。即使這是事實，但人們亦然如此地過生活。（林婷美）

Problems intensified by the pandemic

The COVID-19 pandemic has reshaped our personal relationships in many ways, forcing us to live closer to some people and further from the others. Being able to express your thoughts and feelings to your family virtually and keeping them an update on you helps minimize the distance. This allows both parties to have strong communication, or else there will be lack of transmission of emotional flows, which has a big chance of resulting in misunderstandings and conflicts. Little things matter so much here. You can keep your family updated just by sending them pictures, or simply updating your Instagram story. For example, you told your parents you’re going out to the beach with your friends. Coming from your parents’ perspective, it sounds like you’re going to have so much fun. And then one of them saw your IG story. They then see the “beach” you told them about, which they tried to picture of. There are times where you just feel like posting a picture of yourself right? At this point, your parents can see the smile you put, which obviously matters a lot and is actually telling them that you’re doing great.

The distance between parents and children, both nationally and international, gives a higher chance to teens in hiding themselves deeper. This includes their personal thoughts, feelings and all the hard times they go through. Let’s say this teen got into a fight with his/her parents. The only way to resolve this through the distance is to make calls (voice or video). Video calls allow separated family members to read body languages, just through the screen and tell if the other party is having a bad day. But this isn’t as easy as it sounds like. Following the virus that has been going around for months, parents get worried easily and try to make their loved ones to go stay at home, as much as possible. It is, indeed, extremely sad to not be by their side during this crucial time. As an overseas student, I wasn’t able to make it home during the summer break. I had to put all the plans I had on my mind away. I realized there’s no use of complaining because it is how it is. The only thing I could do was to contact my family as much as I could, whenever I have the time to. Video call is super helpful here because it helps me to see and understand their body language. The thing is, even video calls doesn’t guarantee that you’ll understand the hard times your family members are going through. I teared up a lot knowing I couldn’t make it home, but I tried to hold it back in front of my family every time we video call each other. （高怡蓉）

Problems of IM Tools

即時通訊軟體（IM）是遠距的家人之間溝通的有力工具。其優點是不會受距離的限制，隨時想聯絡都可以，但是如果彼此在不同的城市，就會多一個時差的問題；有些生活上瑣碎的小事，可以即時傳訊息讓彼此知道，像是可以將自己看到有趣的畫面、漂亮的風景、跟朋友出遊的照片傳給彼此，讓對方即便在遠方，也彷彿參與了彼此的生活；當對方正在忙碌時，可以留訊息等對方忙完時再回覆。

但現階段它也⬀在許多缺點。有時候在一些訊號比較差的地方，跟家人通訊的時候會被打斷，有時候甚至會被迫終止通訊；有些家庭會利用手機上的一些應用程式來看影片，這時候若要用來通訊，就會相互衝突，而導致有一方必須配合對方，但是若是在同個空間下，就可以編使用手機，邊與對方交談；有些想分享的影片或照片，會因為檔案太大而無法傳送，但是若是在同個空間，就可以直接拿給對方看；有時候一方在工作，無法即時回覆時，很容易讓在遠方的親人擔心，尤其是平時回覆的頻率較快，但這也可能會讓在工作的一方感受到壓力，或是有時候比覺累不小心睡著，沒有回覆對方，也會讓另一方在不知情的情況下感到擔心。（郭姿妤）